everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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