apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
