Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
