how can u be prego again
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
