Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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