this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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