Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
