i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
