4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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