Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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