That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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