I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
