apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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