Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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