i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
