I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
did i walk over a car last night?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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