i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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