She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I came so hard my ears popped.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
