the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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