Ambien. No doubt about it.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
false alarm, still single
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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