I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
this hospital has no fireball
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
