I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
