He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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