consequently i now know what mace tastes like
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
