Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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