You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
