Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
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So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
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He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability