Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with