how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
