why didn't you poke me back
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We are two peas in an std pod
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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