Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
