Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?

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  (312): I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night? http://tfl.nu/ityh
  Replies (2) Good night (665) Bad night (1515)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard

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  (703): Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life (541): Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard http://tfl.nu/54p5
  Replies (27) Good night (3029) Bad night (6608)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...

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  (425): So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod... http://tfl.nu/hp9q
  Replies (65) Good night (7625) Bad night (1458)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.

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  (618): Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog. http://tfl.nu/c9by
  Replies (29) Good night (2417) Bad night (5134)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker

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  (330): I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker http://tfl.nu/il1k
  Replies (15) Good night (6533) Bad night (1357)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"

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  (501): And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool" http://tfl.nu/agbu
  Replies (4) Good night (2274) Bad night (667)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.

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  (518): I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave. http://tfl.nu/ne75
  Replies (2) Good night (698) Bad night (976)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.

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  (904): you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck. http://tfl.nu/a9rr
  Replies (9) Good night (2885) Bad night (1057)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".

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  (803): It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face". http://tfl.nu/rfcu
  Replies (6) Good night (2135) Bad night (767)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now

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  (204): Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now http://tfl.nu/dal2
  Replies (15) Good night (673) Bad night (2777)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.

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  (602): The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier. http://tfl.nu/l0xp
  Replies (3) Good night (1152) Bad night (568)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...

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  (843): When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"... http://tfl.nu/sfou
  Replies (6) Good night (1976) Bad night (700)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze

  (713): View more from Texas

  My liver has a boner

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  (832): But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze (713): My liver has a boner http://tfl.nu/y8xq
  Replies (3) Good night (1495) Bad night (660)
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  (424): View more from California

  Update: I may or may not be in a cult

  (424): View more from California

  Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult

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  (424): Update: I may or may not be in a cult (424): Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult http://tfl.nu/yyf4
  Replies (9) Good night (1776) Bad night (562)
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  (212): View more from New York

  Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?

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  (212): Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor? http://tfl.nu/6ba2
  Replies (5) Good night (552) Bad night (372)

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