If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
