3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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