btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
