Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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