I am puke
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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