i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
