If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
