This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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