I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
