One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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