You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
