OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
