billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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