I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
