Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
