I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
