my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
