Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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