quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
