Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
