Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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