Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
