Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You're like the curious george of whores
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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