i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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