When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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