Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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