are you still at the devil's house?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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