She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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