Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
