Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
