I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
