note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
