i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
