absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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