Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
