And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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