so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
