garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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