After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
