They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My day in three words: secret purse cake
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
