it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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