We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
