Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
