just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
