He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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