kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
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There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
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I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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