I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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