matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
