Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
that may or may not have been my penis.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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