remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
