My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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