Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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