You just made me feel so damn special
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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