im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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